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Name: MUD
Country: United Kingdom
Metro: Edinburgh
Gender: Male
Interests: ADVENTURES!
Various ultra-boring mildly strategic wargames.
The Life and Works of Kevin Sorbo.
Expertise: ADVENTURES!
Various ultra-boring mildly strategic wargames.
The Life and Times of Kevin Sorbo.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Education/Research
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
1/4/2004
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| Oh sweet cry of maiden's virtue,
So ecstatically lost.
Cries so strained and honest make,
Easy escapes through paper walls.
Ring hollow in an empty room.
Moans toll on beyond their sound,
Echo still in jealous crown,
Holding hope for stringless highs.
Romance comest Taiwan to die.
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| I was nursing an inch of soda water and lime at the bar at Bliss with Mr Radio Taiwan.
She said she had a friend,
Yeh?
I hope you don't mind if I say this,
What? Not at all.
Apparently she liked you, but was weirded out.
I am very weird. Who was this?
A friend of hers.
What did she look like?
Apparently you were talking about prostitutes. I don't know what she looks like.
I can't see how that could have come up... but that is very gauche, even for me. Maybe I wasn't interested in her.
Maybe. It's not the sort of thing you should be talking about with girls, anyway.
I suppose.
This raises a few questions;
1) When was this?
2) Should I miss a girl who is weirded out by the rough and tumble of a conversation that ebbs and flows into prostitution?
3) What was I thinking? Am I now the prostitute guy?
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| I paused for a moment at the board outside, looking for the menu. I could only seem to find a list of girls names and pictures of the girls in hot pants and tight T-shirts. A group of men were at a table outside, all overweight, wearing puffy earth tone jackets, in the process of quickly smoking cigarettes, all leaning backwards taking a drag or forwards tapping out ash. The windows were shaded, but I could make out shapes moving back and forth.
It was too much, too much, I thought, turning on my heel and heading back over the road, I'm not the kind of person who... what kind of person am I meant to be? I turned around again and threw my jacket up, pulling it tight at the lapels. And what are the odds of a Hooters in Taipei?
I walked past the grubby gentlemen, and pushed open the door, nonchalantly pulling a menu from a table behind a little partition bar, knocking over the salt and pepper shaker. I wanted to escape immediately a pretty young girl with an American accent was over my shoulder.
Well, those are the menus!
She emoted, and I saw the blue sparkles dabbed around her eyes. She had her head cocked off to the side. I don't know why I find that sexy.
Don't worry about that!
She beamed, pointing at the salt and pepper. She needed a little shave on her upper lip.
I'll be right back! I have to do... something.
The menu was predictably extortionate. I couldn't find the beer prices though and that was the only reason I went in. I leaned over the little wall and righted the salt and pepper. A little deeper into the restaurant a middle aged man and two women, dressed smart as though for an office, were sitting around a birthday cake. The man was smiling wide but playing nervously with a napkin in his left hand. His eyes widened at something to his left; four girls in hot pants bouncing up and down singing happy birthday. They replaced the "dear john" part with another rousing happy birthday, which was actually quite distressing to the ear. The two women clapped as though they were at a child's party. My server came back, put her hand on her hip and made an exagerrated flip of the hair. I looked back at the menus, shook my head and put on a voice that indicated that I had made a grave, yet wise decision.
Well, this doesn't really seem like to place to come on your own.
I went to put the menus back and knocked the salt and pepper over again.
Maybe I'll come back with some friends.
OK then. Don't worry about that.
She flounced around, out of my life.
Wait; how much is a beer?
She raised her eyebrows.
I'll just get you a drinks menu.
Her ass, being Chinese, did not sashay as she fetched them.
Here you go! The good thing is that between 4 and 7 you get two beers for the price of one beer!
I sighed. Again, far too expensive.
Great. Thanks. Bye!
Goodbye!
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| Having expected to get a good nights sleep I was surprised to wake up at 3 in the morning in a fit of coughing and feeling as cold as death. I was having shivering fits in bed, and my lungs felt like they were being filled with feathers. I gathered the energy to get out of bed and put on almost all my clothes in about 7 layers, then went and made myself some lemsip, changed the sheets and went back to bed, almost feeling normal again. Though I couldn't sleep for shit and my head started to ache.
I turned up for work in a fever, pacing up and down, snapping at the kids. Connie got me a ticket for the little clinic around the corner.
The doctor took careful note of my symptoms on the computer, and then, writing it down on a piece of paper very slowly told me what ailed me.
i... ok, not tuberculosis, not SARS
n... intestinal... what?
f... the flu! I've only got the flu, why was I worrying like a big girl!
He finished up writing influenza. I liked that, it sounded more serious.
OK, so it's not SARS then.
He stopped suddenly and looked at my symptoms again.
...not SARS.
He took out a laminated piece of paper from his desk and pointed at a the beginning of a parabola.
You are here.
He said,
This you in three days. Many new symptoms.
He pointed to the top of the parabola and briefly, sadly shook his head.
Maybe in 5 days,
He pointed to the end of the parabola and made meaningful eye contact with me.
OK then!
I made to leave, but he motioned me back.
Five days come to stop spontaneously.
It's a show of how my Chinglish has come on that I knew exactly what that meant. I thanked him and left.
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| That fuck poem could be much better... and in it's place I'll put a more light hearted one. I notice that the placing on the first of January might have been inappropriate. It was merely an exercise in bombast, a clearing of some ill will, not the extent of my feelings towards this place. It'll be back up once I'm happier with it.
Fucking prissy mop top wanker, I want to deck him with an anchor, I'm sure I'd fuck his girl much faster, And she'd like me more too. I want to fart in his latte foam, And just before he runs off home, Break the screen of his new iPhone, And with it shear his head. Me and her would laugh together, We'd wander off and have a blether, About pets and kids and work and weather, 'Cos she wants my cock.
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